Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
