You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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