She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
