New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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