so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
