this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
