I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
