I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
