I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
