Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
