Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
