I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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