Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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