Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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