the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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