So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
