Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
