what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
