Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
