I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
