i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
