my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
