No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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