It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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