I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
