Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
