I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
