I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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