the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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