My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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