fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
