Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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