I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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