I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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