I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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