we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
