So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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