do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
