From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
