listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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