I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
