:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
