I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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