hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
