Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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