my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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