too bad you live with your parents still
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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