she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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