Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
