U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
