the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
