We're facebook friends in real life
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
