Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
